I was thinking the other day. The last ten or so posts, were about her.
Of course it was natural...it was a break up.
But then, I am starting to see that all these months it wasn't about her only. It was also about me and how I dealt with it.
Why was I staying in a relationship when the problems started to show? They were all along the same and the reason why we are not together anymore. I stayed and ( it may sound harsh) wasted some time.
Now that I am all alone ( once again) and after I spent 3 months crying and trying to find a way for her to stay I realised that if I respected myself I would have a nice summer and I would never beg a kiss from her. As plain as that.
Do I still have feelings for her? Sure. Does the fact that when I ask her she tells me she still has feelings and that she wants me in her life, help? No.
Do I want to keep feeling helpless? Hell, no!
See, these days I am trying a new tactic. I am really really trying to put my self first. It's hard.
I see her when I want to see her, I try not to show that I want her ( I did not attempt to kiss her 2 days in a row - yeah!) . Believe me, it's not easy. And she knows it.
She wants to introduce me to guys..ok that hurts...
Anyway. You know....
My therapist told me yesterday " I think it will be good if you start deciding what you want".
She is right. I have no idea what I want. To be honest in the back of my mind I have some pictures that I'd like to be a part of.
1. Be in a happy, warm and fulfilling relationship. And be in love! ( and that person ideally would love me back - oh and will want to have sex with me).
2. Travel a lot - maybe take a gap year. in my 30s....God..
So these pictures look easy to do right? Well , yes except one thing : Man or a woman?
I am telling you....I haven't the faintest idea.
P.S She says that she will be happy, when she sees me with a guy cause she "loves me, more than her". Yeah, right.
Of course it was natural...it was a break up.
But then, I am starting to see that all these months it wasn't about her only. It was also about me and how I dealt with it.
Why was I staying in a relationship when the problems started to show? They were all along the same and the reason why we are not together anymore. I stayed and ( it may sound harsh) wasted some time.
Now that I am all alone ( once again) and after I spent 3 months crying and trying to find a way for her to stay I realised that if I respected myself I would have a nice summer and I would never beg a kiss from her. As plain as that.
Do I still have feelings for her? Sure. Does the fact that when I ask her she tells me she still has feelings and that she wants me in her life, help? No.
Do I want to keep feeling helpless? Hell, no!
See, these days I am trying a new tactic. I am really really trying to put my self first. It's hard.
I see her when I want to see her, I try not to show that I want her ( I did not attempt to kiss her 2 days in a row - yeah!) . Believe me, it's not easy. And she knows it.
She wants to introduce me to guys..ok that hurts...
Anyway. You know....
My therapist told me yesterday " I think it will be good if you start deciding what you want".
She is right. I have no idea what I want. To be honest in the back of my mind I have some pictures that I'd like to be a part of.
1. Be in a happy, warm and fulfilling relationship. And be in love! ( and that person ideally would love me back - oh and will want to have sex with me).
2. Travel a lot - maybe take a gap year. in my 30s....God..
So these pictures look easy to do right? Well , yes except one thing : Man or a woman?
I am telling you....I haven't the faintest idea.
P.S She says that she will be happy, when she sees me with a guy cause she "loves me, more than her". Yeah, right.