I ve been away on a trip these past days. When I got back on Sunday, I felt detouched from my life here. Not that I felt that I belonged to that other country I had been.
My life these past two years, has been strange. Ackward things happened, like losing some friends, fighting with them, fighting to keep alive some other relationships, struggling to be happy.
And on Sunday I just felt that I am too tired to struggle just to have some moments of happiness. I am not sure if this is a pessimistic attitude. But I am really tired of waking up everymorning and knowing that I really don't have the life that I want to.
Everytime when I wake up in the morning, I see the empty side next to me. Wouldn't it be nice if there was someone to wake up next to? It's been so long since I really wanted or had someone that I feel that I lost the ability to communicate and to love.
Is it pathetic? I still can't answer that. I don't even know whether this is a form of depression or laziness...
too tired...
My life these past two years, has been strange. Ackward things happened, like losing some friends, fighting with them, fighting to keep alive some other relationships, struggling to be happy.
And on Sunday I just felt that I am too tired to struggle just to have some moments of happiness. I am not sure if this is a pessimistic attitude. But I am really tired of waking up everymorning and knowing that I really don't have the life that I want to.
Everytime when I wake up in the morning, I see the empty side next to me. Wouldn't it be nice if there was someone to wake up next to? It's been so long since I really wanted or had someone that I feel that I lost the ability to communicate and to love.
Is it pathetic? I still can't answer that. I don't even know whether this is a form of depression or laziness...
too tired...
2 comments:
No darling, its not pathetic, its natural. When there's so much going on in life, and not good things .. you ask yourself if you have a reason to open your eyes in the morning ...
I'm going through a stage where it wouldnt bother me if I never opened my eyes, ever again ... actually there are days I pray for them not to open ... a cruel thing to say, huh?
Having someone laying next to you doesnt mean you wont feel alone anymore ... you have to find that inner peace with yourself first ... thats what I think anyway ... for both our sakes, I hope we find it sooner rather than later!
Take care chick :-)
At least my dearest mad H, you have a very good reason to feel this way sometimes.
I am just....well depressed I guess.
You are right about finding the right person. I just sometimes woder whether that right person exists on this planet!
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