Finally something happened.

I guess the waiting was worth it. During this past month ( since the break up), I managed to see what I wanted from her and this kin of relationship, I was observing her behaviour ( you can't do that when you are into the relationship and the other person seems..."perfect") and I was starting to realise the mistakes I made when I was with her.

All this time though I had an inner hope that we would be back again at some point. Stupid me, I was thinking that I could handle the "no sex" issue and at some point things would be as they were last summer. After all she was saying things that made me think that it was possible. Silly her.

But last night I emailed her. Told her that I have feelings of course. Asked her if she was in love. She replied "kind of". And then I called her. Talked, cried ( well me, she was calm....shall I call her insensitive?) and made a decision. " I don't want to see you, I want distance, this whole thing of "not a relationship not a friendship" is not working for me". She said she will respect her. Of course I don't trust her on it. But now I know that they only person who can set the limits is me, not her. Cause she is a fucked up person, who does not see that she is hurting people, she thinks she is cool and that her motto "that's life" is crap. Ok, I am going through the phase of really not liking her. I don't want to think of the good moments ( they were happening until only a couple of months ago) because I will start crying. And you know what? I don't think she will cry and last night she sounded so calm and distant that it pisses me off now that I think of it.

Anyway, enough talking. Tomorrow is the first day of the summer. I must mean something good. I won't see her ( until friday where we meet for a work thing) and time will heal. I am sure she thinks I need only a few days away from her. Ha ha, she will see that deleting her means a lot more time. But then I won't care.

I missed being happy....