Yesterday morning, I woke up looked myself in the mirror and thought "I really do deserve something better than that. Something with passion with someone who will want me for everything I am". It felt good. I even smiled you know.
And I was really ok and happy during the day. I was thinking of her but I was certain that I didn't want anything more from her.
But then something happened. She smsed me asking me to meet and talk about us. I didn't reply at once and ten minutes later she wrote again "nevermind, sorry". She didn't give me the chance to reply. Was that another tactic of causing me guilt? 2 hours later another sms "fancy dinner on the porch with wine and nice music". I called and said that I already had plans. I really did have plans. She didn't say much, she sounded bit sad. I was thinking of her. I really didn't want to go back to something that caused me more pain tha joy from October onwards.
This morning I wrote her that I did not disappearn on purpose and if she really did want to meet. Said she had things to do today. So I replied "Look, i said all I had to say. It's you that wants to talk. When you want, you will find time to talk to me even on the phone".
I think I was fair.
But to be honest....I don't want to see her. It brings back memories. And certainly a dinner on the house that once thought as "mine" wasn't gonna help me get over this.
Why does she want to see me? To cause me guilt? About what? I really don't understand her.
This morning I had a dream. There was this woman, a friend of a friend of mine. We were sort of going to have sex ( oh yes!) and she stared at me and said "not on the mouth. let's do the rest". So we had wild sex against the wall even if she didn't want to kiss! Talk about traumatic months....
And I was really ok and happy during the day. I was thinking of her but I was certain that I didn't want anything more from her.
But then something happened. She smsed me asking me to meet and talk about us. I didn't reply at once and ten minutes later she wrote again "nevermind, sorry". She didn't give me the chance to reply. Was that another tactic of causing me guilt? 2 hours later another sms "fancy dinner on the porch with wine and nice music". I called and said that I already had plans. I really did have plans. She didn't say much, she sounded bit sad. I was thinking of her. I really didn't want to go back to something that caused me more pain tha joy from October onwards.
This morning I wrote her that I did not disappearn on purpose and if she really did want to meet. Said she had things to do today. So I replied "Look, i said all I had to say. It's you that wants to talk. When you want, you will find time to talk to me even on the phone".
I think I was fair.
But to be honest....I don't want to see her. It brings back memories. And certainly a dinner on the house that once thought as "mine" wasn't gonna help me get over this.
Why does she want to see me? To cause me guilt? About what? I really don't understand her.
This morning I had a dream. There was this woman, a friend of a friend of mine. We were sort of going to have sex ( oh yes!) and she stared at me and said "not on the mouth. let's do the rest". So we had wild sex against the wall even if she didn't want to kiss! Talk about traumatic months....
No comments:
Post a Comment